Diary of a Divorce: August 25th


Going bonkers, baby

      Oh yeah, now I remember what it is about dating that drives me crazy: the moodiness I feel when I don’t know how he feels. Will he call? Why isn’t he calling? Is he interested in me? Has he found someone else? And on and on and on…My head spins with doubts.

       Things are so much less complicated when I’m on my own. I make plans with friends, I take care of the dogs, I go where I’m supposed to go, and I have a set schedule. A guy throws all of that out the window. I should say I throw all of that out the window when I’m thinking about what he’s thinking.

       Why do I fall right back into adolescent behavior and thinking when a man enters the scene? I try so hard NOT to, but I do it every time. I tell myself I don’t care. I tell myself I will go on as if he’s not a possibility in my life, but he’s everywhere. I go with a friend to a street fair and see some clothing. I wonder if he’d like it and should I buy it to wear for him. As the weekend approaches, I’m wary about making plans with friends–just in case he should call and want to get together.

        I swore I’d wait for this New Guy to make the next move. I certainly would not call him, but these days we have texting. I re-read his past texts and keep wondering what it meant when he wrote (after our first date), I hope we can get together again really soon. What’s really soon?? Wouldn’t the average woman assume that means the following weekend? And, if not, shouldn’t he have made some sort of contact in a week’s time just to let me know he’s still interested but something has come up?

       So I let my head go for a nice jog–all over the places, over hills and valleys. I got into a rotten mood and felt angry at him for ME tying up my OWN plans even though he hadn’t asked. Worse, I couldn’t stand all the questions in my head anymore. I sent him a short text saying I hadn’t heard from him in a few days and wanted to know if everything was okay.

       No, it hasn’t been okay. He has a mother with dementia and he recently helped his father put her in assisted living. There have been all kinds of complications, and this weekend he has to help his father relocate her.

       A good excuse, no? In another text, I wish him lots of luck and wish him all the best during this difficult time. BE a sympathetic human being, for godsakes, I tell myself. This is not a relationship issue, this is a human issue.

       Okay, so do I feel better now? He’s not out running around with another woman. He’s not blowing me off. He’s dealing with his sick mother, for godsakes…

        No, I don’t. My head tells me he could at least have said something personal to me. He could’ve indicated he is still interested and that maybe we can plan something for NEXT weekend. Nope. Not a peep from him about that.

        And all this craziness after just meeting this guy ONE time!!!!

        What does this say about me? Perhaps I’m not ready for this dating business? Perhaps I should process the divorce before I go getting involved with someone new? Perhaps I should concentrate on getting my head straight and healthy for awhile?

         I don’t care how old I get, how burnt out I get. I fall so quickly back into the old patterns that it’s scary even to myself.

       What’s the cruel joke in all this: I liked this guy. If only he’d been a jerk…

       So I’m going to walk the dogs, come home and make dinner, and then soak in a nice jacuzzi to get the kinks out of my aching body. I’ve made plans for tomorrow with a new friend. Ahhh…peace.  Until?

       Next week, will it all start over again?



2 responses »

  1. Did you text BACK? Or was that the last one? When he told you he wanted to see you real soon? If so, you might consider that no response to a text can be considered a sign of non-interest on your part too? Men have feelings too. Men have insecurities too. Nobody likes to be rejected. Men appreciate a woman who meets them half-way in the dating stuff, not someone who expects them to do all the work, take all the risks, pick up all the checks, initiate all the physical stuff, etc.

    Maybe he’s waiting for some sign from you?

    or he truly IS busy! but I find that one less a good excuse. I’ve got an incredibly busy life, including dealing with MY parents in a nursing home near me this year and managing their entire estate, bills, everything. But if I was interested in someone, I’d definitely would send them texts. It doesn’t take long.

    or yeah, maybe he’s not interested. That happens too. People are such chickenshits in the dating world now. It’s so easy to just electronically blow someone off. Do the old “slow pull out” without being honest and saying, “hey, I had fun, but I don’t see this going anywhere!”

    So who knows? But heck, men are people too. Nobody likes taking a risk. So send him a text. Suggest a night or an activity! It could work. And you’ve gone out once — what do you have to lose? It’s really competitive out there.


  2. In answer to you, Recovering Wayward, yes, of course I texted him back. I have been on a maddening obsession with this guy, whom I just don’t understand. Maybe I don’t understand any of you guys. I try to remember you’re human and that you have feelings and insecurities too. But what makes a man text “it’s been too long” and when you reply, you don’t hear back from him again? If I’m already running around in crazy circles this early in the game, I need to exit it…and quick.
    I am as far away from that woman who takes no risks in the dating field, who expects a man to do all the work and pick up the checks. In fact, what I’ve found in my latest go-round with the dating world is that we women “of a certain age” seem to have our financial shit together. The men, OTOH, are floundering in low-paying jobs and living in cheap one bedroom apartments. I have never let that make or break the deal, but I’m really too old to go back to using bricks and two-by-fours as a bookshelf!
    I gave him the benefit of the doubt about the aging parents and getting his mother into assisted living. Still, how long does it take to send a quick text or make a quick phone call? I’ve heard nothing from him all week.
    I can only deduce one thing: He’s not that into me. I raised it with him before, and he immediately got on the phone to call me and deny my speculation. As I said, I don’t get it, and it’s way too much work so soon in the “game.” I’m moving my chess pieces to another board!
    Thanks for the input, though. I’m always curious to know how you Martians think! 🙂

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