Diary of a Divorce–August 21st


A Pre-Existing Condition

    Alright, so here’s the place where I come to write about the ups and downs of relationships–past and present. I know I swore off the dating site and removed my profile. I was done with the games, the endless searching, the expectations, and the letdowns.

     Then I got a call from one of the guys I’d actually spoken to a couple times before I made the commitment to leave the dating scene. He hadn’t called in awhile, so I figured he’d found someone new or had lost interest or…you know how it goes…blah blah blah.

     I actually liked this guy from his phone calls. For one thing, he shares my liberal political views in a VERY conservative County. That’s a rarity in itself. For another, he seemed sincere and fairly humble.

      Well, I told him I’d given up on him as well as the website. Long story short, we set a date for Sunday. And guess what happened? We had a GOOD time. I like this guy. He is beyond low key and he is very uncomplicated. I get that he’s been through some tough times in the past, has been married twice, and is divorced. He’s younger than I am (yummmmm). He is kinda hip in that one earring, black clothing, shaved bald head, and bearded, mustached kind of way. He rides a cool motorcycle and lives by the beach in a tiny apartment. He loves his job and his life and is grateful for everything he has. He also volunteers with the homeless and has done it for a long time.

     Someone in my writing group to whom I’d “confessed” I had this date set said it wasn’t going against my new “rule” not to date. This guy was a “pre-existing condition” from before I made that decision. I can live with that!

     Coffee lead to a casual Greek dinner in an outside cafe. We talked, we laughed, we shared who each of us is and what got us here. We both agreed we were having a really good time together.

       After about four hours, I called it a night. He walked me to my car and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. And…there was chemistry, folks! When he got home, he sent me a couple texts. I like this guy–but not in that impulsive, heavy duty, run off and get married tomorrow sort of way.

        I didn’t hear from him yesterday and could feel those familiar pangs. Hey, girl, get a grip! It’s just been one day!!! But I didn’t find myself getting too panicky. I’m okay just for today, I told myself. It’s not the end of the world if I never hear from him again.

        I sent him a text earlier tonight. Who says women must always sit back and wait? I’m sick of that tired old game. We texted back and forth a few times in a very natural way. I like this guy!

        So I’m trying hard not to imagine us falling deeply in love, moving in together, and living out a life filled with romance and love. I have imagined him in the sack, I admit. I think it would be good. Hey! It’s been a few months now of abstinence, and I’m entitled to my fantasies.

       The next move is up to him….

       And in the REAL world: I caught that rat, for anyone who wondered. I found the paper bag on the ground, clearly with something contained inside. There were blood smatterings on the bag. Yes, I felt like hell when I scooped it up without looking inside the bag and tossed it in the trash. I’m sorry to have killed a creature of this world, but I’m not co-existing with a rat! And we all know where there’s one, there’s got to be more.

      I signed the divorce docs the paralegal sent to me and slipped the envelope in the mail yesterday. I think that’s pretty much the end of this back-and-forth legal stuff until the final paperwork is received from the court. I felt sad, but I still have no regrets. What’s so nice about The New Man is that he’s not confrontational. He’s so much more low key than the ex. I didn’t have to walk on eggshells. Yes, I realize it was like that with the ex in the beginning…

      And the biggest news: I heard from my daughter last night. We have had a very strained relationship and hadn’t talked in a couple months. I let her talk, and I listened. I apologized for being overly critical with her and for thinking of her as the young girl she’d been who’d made very bad decisions. We talked for about an hour and were very comfortable again with each other. Then she dropped the bomb: She and her fiance went to City Hall in APRIL and got married!!! Four months ago. She is 28 yrs old and NOT pregnant. I guess she assumed I’d give her a lot of flack about such a premature move, even though she’s been with this guy for over a year. I probably would have, even though I really like her (now) husband (gasp).

       So one of us is getting divorced while the other is now a married woman. I feel a sense of loss, disappointment, and regret that she didn’t choose to have me present at her “wedding.” I still have hope that she’ll think about it and maybe have at least a reception for the family and a few friends. I’m still processing this news.

       What is it about us women? We want to be married. We dream of the happily ever after. We don’t ever figure we’ll be writing about our divorce. But here we all are. And here I go again, allowing myself a few dreams and hopes with yet a new man. But marriage? Nope. Never again. That’s one pre-existing condition that, for me, would be fatal. They haven’t yet invented the cure for my “relationship addiction,” but my current divorce has cured me of ever again making it legal. When you’re so in love, you don’t think about the fact that what you’re doing is signing a legal contract, one that costs a lot more to end than to begin. Nope, not me.


One response »

  1. Oh, Marilyn!

    I’m SO glad that good things are beginning to happen to you again as the challenging part of your life is coming to a close. You go girl! I love reading your posts, and I’m so glad to have you as a new friend! (And thanks for the shout-out) See you soon!


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